Recently in Humor Category

Today, Toyota announced a recall on yet another product due to unintended acceleration problems.

Let's go to the video:

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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered from a real word. Some are terrifically innovative: 

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 
 
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 
 
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 
 
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 
 
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 
 
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 
 
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 
 
10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 
 
11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 
 
12. Glibido: All talk and no action 
 
13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 
 
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web 
 
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out . 
 
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. 
 
And, the pick of the lot... 

17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

There are a few words in that list I plan to use from now on.

Well, that must have sucked. BTW, what's a niqab? Could I have one when I go swimming in my lake this summer?

There's nothing more I can add to this. 'Nuff said.

(H/T GraniteGrok)

Nearly six million viewings, and I can understand why. But what I can't understand is the rating of four stars, when it obviously deserves five. Move aside Iron Man, this may be the best superhero movie of all time.

HT: anarchist Rod Long (I'm trying to think why I shouldn't be an anarchist and am curiously coming up short of a rationale.)

It's definitely worth a look. Some people on TV are more deranged than I thought was possible without being a lunatic. Maybe that's what they are.

Onion link here. Brilliant stuff.

I. Neal Boortz has the transcript of an interesting hotel conversation. I had to read it a couple of times, but I was laughing as I did so. He's such a bad boy, the Naples golfer!

II. The poem today on the Writer's Almanac (shouldn't it be a plural possessive?) is remarkable. You may want to check it out. I said, "Wow. Wow." Best poem I've heard on that show since Billy Collins's poem about disrobing and making love to Emily Dickinson.

III. I love this guy; another Martin Gross podcast of a man who is truly the second most important American living--after the smartest man in America, Thomas Sowell. His podcasts are a treat: he pulls no punches.

Here Dennis Prager, a wonderful talk show host and Jewish theologian, gently reprimands Gross for his stridency, reducing the rhetorical effectiveness. It's funny because Prager then goes on to agree with every single premise Gross gives.

We truly have two political parties today, the destructive Demoncrats and the stupid Republicans. One thing Gross said that's very interesting is the buy-off of Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska, where that particular state is given an exemption of Medicare costs for Nelson's reluctant support of the health care bill is a clear violation of the Tenth and Fourteenth Amendments, says Gross. He says Republicans should call for an emergency meeting with the US Supreme Court to have them rule, as could be done..

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Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations this year.

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.

Great stories.

But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.

Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time. So it was fun while it lasted.

See below the fold for a picture of his Christmas 'decorations'.

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No further comment required.

When I saw this all thoughts of any kind of serious post ceased. Like its predecessor, this video gives you, the general public, some insight to engineers and how they relate to their cats. Trust me on this, cats are very important to engineers. After all, I am an engineer and I have seven cats sharing The Manse with me and my family.

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If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
 
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Yup, I guess that covers it.

I guess I must be in a lazy, borrowing mood tonight.

The following bumper sticker 'ideas' came from two commenting to neo's post about the radicalization of the Center/Right by the Left.

Rational = Congressmen Who Support 1000-Page Bills They Don't Read
Irrational = Citizens Angry At Congressman Who Don't Read 1000-Page Bills

Troublemakers = Those Who Know More About Proposed Bills Than Their Congressmen Do

Obamacare: Good Enough For You But Not For Your Congressman

Congress: If We Wanted Your Opinion, We Would Have Asked For It

Support Faith-Based Legislation! Vote For It But Don't Read It

If They Disagree With Obama, They're A Mob. If You Disagree With Obama, You're Divisive.

Obama '08
Poverty '09
Fascism '10

Consult an Expert: Ask a Cuban How Socialism Works

Change, Hell! Obama Took My Whole Wallet!

Vote Democratic - It's Easier Than Getting A Job

1984 - Published In 1949... Public Policy In 2009

One Who Confuses Change With Progress Will Get Too Much Of The One And Not Enough Of The Other.

Purple...It's the new Brown (Insert SEIU logo here)

Democrat Utopia = Detroit

Cemetery Residents for Obama!

More gems such as these can be found here.

Found on the Politico.com forums:

Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven.

God addresses Al first. ''Al, what do you believe in?''

Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now.''

God thinks for a second and says: "Very good. Come and sit at my left.''

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''

Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''

God thinks for a second and says: "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''

Then God addresses Barack. "Barack, what do you believe in?''

He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."

The problem with this one is that I don't really know if it's a joke or not.

I know more than a few people that could use some of this:



FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

(H/T Maggie's Farm)

To quote a less well known line from the movie Real Genius, "I think we used too much!"

Anyone that watches Mythbusters on Discovery Channel knows that Adam and Jamie like to blow stuff up. It's a given that every so often they will come up with an excuse to use an explosion to test one myth or another. This time was no different, but it appears they miscalculated the amount of explosives they'd need for this particular episode. And by miscalculate, I'm talking about by a whole bunch.

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Bumper Sticker Of The Year

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How our tax system works ...

Suppose that every day, the same ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving s).

Each of the s ix was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,' declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, 'but he got $10'.

'Yeah, that's right, exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I got'

'That's true' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important - they didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

This explanation has been attributed to many different scholars and economists, but Snopes wasn't able to pin down the origin of this 'lesson'.

That doesn't make it any less true.

This makes me wonder whether the GOP could use Tina Fey as a stand-in for Sarah Palin ala Dave.
The resemblance is remarkable.

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An interesting view of the upcoming Presidential elections in the US from our cousins in Ireland...a point to ponder regardless of your political affiliations.

We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run!

Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship!!

What in God's name are ye' lads thinkin' o'er in the colonies?!

Indeed.