Recently in Humor Category

My gift to you, my beloved, is that I'm not sleeping around with other women. That's what Roissy, that influential DC alpha male proselytizer, thinks.

I mean this guy is like a Khalil Gibran of relationships:

You could spend $100,000 on a lavish wedding, but the thing she'll most fondly remember is that erotic note you hastily scrawled on a cocktail napkin and passed to her under the table. Think about it.

It's this morning's lead link at DrudgeReport.com.

I couldn't help but think of this humorous video of a redneck woman's similar sentiments. (She's a Hillary supporter.)

Where's Sen. William Proxmire when we need him? Are you old enough to remember his Golden Fleece Awards?

HT: Dan Mitchell at Cato@Liberty.

The money one has in heaven is the sum total of what one has spent in anonymously giving and what one has spent in lemonade stands. I spent a dollar at the latter. A quarter was a tip!

A man's gotta start somewhere.

Being an engineer and a long time amateur radio operator I have always liked seeing an interesting innovation used to fix a problem, whether the fix is temporary or permanent. I've used unorthodox fixes in both my vocation and avocation over the years. It's also fun seeing how others have dealt with solving problems with only the materials they had on hand.

That being said, I found a blog devoted entirely to showing interesting jury-rigged fixes to everyday problems.

(A big thanks to Eric the Viking)

Today, Toyota announced a recall on yet another product due to unintended acceleration problems.

Let's go to the video:

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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered from a real word. Some are terrifically innovative: 

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 
 
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 
 
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 
 
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 
 
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 
 
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 
 
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 
 
10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 
 
11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 
 
12. Glibido: All talk and no action 
 
13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 
 
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web 
 
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out . 
 
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. 
 
And, the pick of the lot... 

17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

There are a few words in that list I plan to use from now on.

Well, that must have sucked. BTW, what's a niqab? Could I have one when I go swimming in my lake this summer?

There's nothing more I can add to this. 'Nuff said.

(H/T GraniteGrok)

Nearly six million viewings, and I can understand why. But what I can't understand is the rating of four stars, when it obviously deserves five. Move aside Iron Man, this may be the best superhero movie of all time.

HT: anarchist Rod Long (I'm trying to think why I shouldn't be an anarchist and am curiously coming up short of a rationale.)

It's definitely worth a look. Some people on TV are more deranged than I thought was possible without being a lunatic. Maybe that's what they are.

Onion link here. Brilliant stuff.

I. Neal Boortz has the transcript of an interesting hotel conversation. I had to read it a couple of times, but I was laughing as I did so. He's such a bad boy, the Naples golfer!

II. The poem today on the Writer's Almanac (shouldn't it be a plural possessive?) is remarkable. You may want to check it out. I said, "Wow. Wow." Best poem I've heard on that show since Billy Collins's poem about disrobing and making love to Emily Dickinson.

III. I love this guy; another Martin Gross podcast of a man who is truly the second most important American living--after the smartest man in America, Thomas Sowell. His podcasts are a treat: he pulls no punches.

Here Dennis Prager, a wonderful talk show host and Jewish theologian, gently reprimands Gross for his stridency, reducing the rhetorical effectiveness. It's funny because Prager then goes on to agree with every single premise Gross gives.

We truly have two political parties today, the destructive Demoncrats and the stupid Republicans. One thing Gross said that's very interesting is the buy-off of Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska, where that particular state is given an exemption of Medicare costs for Nelson's reluctant support of the health care bill is a clear violation of the Tenth and Fourteenth Amendments, says Gross. He says Republicans should call for an emergency meeting with the US Supreme Court to have them rule, as could be done..

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Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations this year.

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.

Great stories.

But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.

Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time. So it was fun while it lasted.

See below the fold for a picture of his Christmas 'decorations'.

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No further comment required.

When I saw this all thoughts of any kind of serious post ceased. Like its predecessor, this video gives you, the general public, some insight to engineers and how they relate to their cats. Trust me on this, cats are very important to engineers. After all, I am an engineer and I have seven cats sharing The Manse with me and my family.

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If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
 
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Yup, I guess that covers it.

I guess I must be in a lazy, borrowing mood tonight.

The following bumper sticker 'ideas' came from two commenting to neo's post about the radicalization of the Center/Right by the Left.

Rational = Congressmen Who Support 1000-Page Bills They Don't Read
Irrational = Citizens Angry At Congressman Who Don't Read 1000-Page Bills

Troublemakers = Those Who Know More About Proposed Bills Than Their Congressmen Do

Obamacare: Good Enough For You But Not For Your Congressman

Congress: If We Wanted Your Opinion, We Would Have Asked For It

Support Faith-Based Legislation! Vote For It But Don't Read It

If They Disagree With Obama, They're A Mob. If You Disagree With Obama, You're Divisive.

Obama '08
Poverty '09
Fascism '10

Consult an Expert: Ask a Cuban How Socialism Works

Change, Hell! Obama Took My Whole Wallet!

Vote Democratic - It's Easier Than Getting A Job

1984 - Published In 1949... Public Policy In 2009

One Who Confuses Change With Progress Will Get Too Much Of The One And Not Enough Of The Other.

Purple...It's the new Brown (Insert SEIU logo here)

Democrat Utopia = Detroit

Cemetery Residents for Obama!

More gems such as these can be found here.

Found on the Politico.com forums:

Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven.

God addresses Al first. ''Al, what do you believe in?''

Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now.''

God thinks for a second and says: "Very good. Come and sit at my left.''

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''

Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''

God thinks for a second and says: "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''

Then God addresses Barack. "Barack, what do you believe in?''

He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."

The problem with this one is that I don't really know if it's a joke or not.

I know more than a few people that could use some of this:



FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

(H/T Maggie's Farm)